Things Trasformes would never say or do
by Hotshot94
Summary: Optimus has some free time and decides to start something...and when this something is passed around and added on to...chapter 5 now up!PG-13 now for crude humor
1. Optimus Starts Somethin'

uthor notes:  
  
Brent: The people said you couldn't do bloopers so I thought I would do this instead  
  
Hotshot: he's not the funniest person alive ya know...but his humor could us some work [Brent glares at Hotshot] uh oh its all a cross between armada and G1...so everyone is happy....I do not own Transformers.  
  
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Optimus has some fun  
  
Optimus prime was sitting in his office. He had no work at all so of course he was bored out of his mind! He started thinking of things to do. He even thought about doing something that no one would expect him to even think. He thought about starting a Thing you would never hear an Autobot or D-con say. He started typing on his keyboard. When he was done he looked over his work.  
  
Things you would never hear any Transformer say!  
  
Hot Rod: What...that's not funny  
  
Ultra Magnus: I love to watch girls  
  
Optimus Prime: I don't care, KILL 'EM ALL MWHAHAH  
  
Starscream: I don't wanna be the leader!  
  
Brainstorm: what's a computer?  
  
Arcee: I hate Pink!  
  
Megatron: I love bunnies!!! ^^  
  
Bumblebee: I like being short!  
  
Hotshot: This Star-Saber sucks  
  
Soundwave: Kill megatron!  
  
Hotshot: I think I'll do deskwork today...(wolfy baby)  
  
Megatron: cant we just be friends, Optimus?  
  
Blurr: talking... fast... is... so...boring.  
  
Ultra Magnus: Do you think girls notice me?  
  
Optimus was laughing when he sent this to Rodimus Prime. He knew Rodimus would get a kick out of this. And he also knew Rodie would send this to Mags later. After he sent it he sat back in his chair and waited for Rodimus to get his E-mail  
  
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well how do you guys like this chapter...heh I knew that I would like doing this. [Cracks up laughing]  
  
Hotshot: [sigh] desk work...me? What ever  
  
Brent: that's why it's called what transformers would never say!  
  
Review this please and tell me if you like 'emA 


	2. Rodimus's Turn

Author notes: ahahah okay these are all by Crazomatic!! I do not own Transformers!  
  
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Rodimus Prime was sitting in his office just like optimus was. Right before he was about to leave his computer chimed " You've Got Mail". Rodimus blinked his optics (don't ask how ok). He went back on to his computer to read is new mail. When he was done he was practically falling out of his chair with laughter.  
  
"I don't believe Op came up with this!" Rodimus laughed. He thought that he should add on to it and send it on. So that's exactly what he did.  
  
Rodimus Primes things TFs would never do ((really bye Crazomatic!!!))  
Huffer: I feel OH SO happy today! Does Cartwheels  
  
Sunstreaker: No, man, you look WAY better than me!  
  
Ironhide: I think we can find a diplomatic solution to any conflict! :)  
  
Megatron: I think we should start asking the humans for energy! How's That sound?  
  
Optimus: I think Megatron's hot.  
  
Jazz: I feel like going out and burning my whole CD collection. I hate Music!  
  
Optimus: I also think Ironhides hot!  
  
Rodimus Prime: I just LOVE being the new leader of the Autobots! Aren't you glad of that too?  
  
Grimlock: I was just accepted into Harvard University on an academic Scholarship! Neat huh?  
  
Optimus: Oh yeah, and I think Bumblebee's hot too!  
  
Spike: Who needs Carly when I've got Chip Chase instead? Mmmmmm. (okay, That was really bad!)  
  
Megatron: Conquer the universe? Ppppttt, oh that was SO 1980's!  
  
Hot Rod: (in the TF Movie) Geeez, won't Optimus just DIE already!  
  
Galvatron: I think I will send a 'get well card' to Unicron today!  
  
Starscream: Has any one seen my Jennifer Lopez CD? (this was by Space Toaster)  
  
Rodimus was laughing at his own ideas when he pressed the button that sent it to Ultra Magnus. He knew that Mags wouldn't probably send it on but he thought he would give it a try. He also sent a copy back to Optimus.  
  
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ha-ha so how was that? Heh my friend Crazomatic did some really funny ones Huh? Well review this and if you have any ideas just send 'em to me all right! Well got to go I have a major headache. Bye....REVIEW!!!! The Matrix commands it!! ((Sorry I had to say that)) Thanks Crazomatic and Space Toaster for the ideas....((laughing hysterically)) 


	3. Magnus to Jazz

Author notes: arg this took for ever...not that its your fault or any thing just "school"...life really does suck man....I'm just doing what people said...I don't even know if Magnus ever saw starwars... I do not own Transformers!! Thank you all who sent these Agent A.T, The-Crab,  
  
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Ultra Magnus sat at his desk half awake half asleep. Then there was a beep sound that meant that he had new mail. "Huh?" Magnus said while looking up at his screen. He clicked to read his mail and just stared at his screen. "Optimus saying Megatrons hot...that's pretty funny," Magnus chuckled. He then thought of forwarding it to Jazz but then thought Springer would enjoy his better. Magnus then wrote one himself.  
  
Magnus's turn!! Mwhaha...ha...  
Ultra Magnus (TF: TM): Hey, I actually CAN handle that right now.  
  
RnGalvatron (TF: TM): I, Spock, will destroy you, just as Megatron destroyed Prime  
  
Rodimus Prime (TF: TM end scene): May the Force be with you.  
  
Rodimus Prime (same scene): Live long and prosper.  
  
Preceptor: I hate using big words.  
  
Ultra Magnus: I like it when Preceptor uses big words.  
  
Megatron: I think Starscream would make a better leader than me.  
  
Megatron (To his fellow Decepticons): "I love you guy."  
  
Starscream: "I AM GAY."  
  
Rumble (To Soundwave): "Hi, daddy."  
  
(TF:TM when Starscream is killed) *rushes up to the ashes, pulls out a joint, and lights it from the ashes* (this is a deleted scene, and probably why he's so messed up in the cartoon...Ok, it's not a deleted scene)  
  
Unicorn: *after eating a planet* Uh oh...I ate too much!  
  
Optimus Prime (TF:TM when handing the Matrix to Ultra Magnus) Wait, never mind. Here, Hod Rod, you take it! *Hands it to Hod Rod*  
  
Hod Rod: EW! *Throws it aside* that came From your chest! That's nasty!  
  
Wheeljack: Ah, screw it I can't fix it!  
  
Soundwave: Has anyone seen my Britney Spears cassette?  
  
Blaster: *dressed up as a gangster* Yo dawg! I'm just chillin' wit my homies in the SPC, hangin' out on the west sied-nah! *Does a random gang sign*  
  
Wheelie: *is in a rap music video, due to his rhyming was of speech*  
  
Megatron: *wearing a Cowboy's jersey, a Cowboy's inflatable Helmet, and a big, foam #1 hand on his left hand, while holding! Any Cowboy's flags in his right hand* Go Cowboys!  
  
Magnus gave a small laugh while hitting the send key, that was sending it to Roddie, Optimus, And Jazz. "Won't they get a kick out of this!" ((I know that probably doesn't sound like Magnus...deal with it!! .))...  
  
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Brent: hahaha.thank you all for these!!! I thank you all [gives them all awards]  
  
Hotshot:...aren't you going a little over board? [gets a cold glare] heh what the heck....  
  
Brent: after my next story for caught in the middle I'm going to make a story called Human for a Week.....its when all of the TFs ((armada)) get to be human for a whole week when Hotshot wishes they could see what its like to be human!  
  
Hotshot: and If you really want to see what we look like go to the web site MechaeX.com.then go to fan art.then go to the artist named Bumblebee..and there ya go.hahahahhahh  
  
Brent:...yeah no more cup cakes for you.  
  
Hotshot: WHA NO MORE CUP CAKES!!??  
  
Brent: ack review please!! 


	4. JAZZ

Author Notes: well it took me forever to update this for some reason . . .but now I have updated! Extremely sorry about the Human For A Week delay but I'm having serious writers block. I know it's a little weird to have G1 TF's emailing stuff about armada bot's or Beast wars but it's all parallel universe to me all right. All right on to the story.  
  
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JAZZ  
  
Jazz's email beeped. He was still on his shift so he thought it couldn't hurt to read it. He clicked on the little envelope and a computerized paper appears on the screen with Optimus', Roddy's, and Magnus' entries were all there. He was cracking up after the first 5 so he knew it was worth reading all of it. When it was done Magnus had written a P.S. on it. It wrote:  
  
P.S.  
  
Jazz, before you do anything to this letter, add onto it and send it to other people and tell them to do the same. This could turn out to be rather funny. You can do any one you wish, Decipticon, Autobot. It doesn't matter. OH! And when you finish send it to everyone who had added on to it before you. We need to laugh more. Seriously.  
  
Magnus  
  
"Eh, all right," Jazz said and sat for a minute to think of some funny add ons. Then he began to type.  
  
Hotshot (armada): -Nervous laugh- Uh, Optimus. Remember how we told the kid's never to play on the railroad tracks?  
  
* * *  
  
Arcee(G1): -To Rodimus- I'M PREGNAT, YOU'RE THE FATHER, AND I'M GANNA KILL THE THREE OF US!  
  
Rodimus: Calm down. Have some dip. ((A little weird I know))  
  
* * *  
  
Megatron (any): -Is a secret animal lover-  
  
* * *  
  
Starscream: "I love Humans." (Agent A.T.)  
* * *  
  
Megatron: "Starscream, you are the most loyal Decepticon ever built."  
(Agent A.T.)  
  
* * *  
  
Soundwave: "Hey, who wants to get drunk," (Agent A.T.)  
  
* * *  
  
Soundwave: "Speak up, I didn't hear you." (Agent A.T.)  
  
* * *  
  
Soundwave (G1): Megatron, sir, we've won the battle.  
  
Megatron: Shut up! -Said like some girl after something exciting happened-  
  
* * *  
  
Megatron (G1): I love you Nightbird!  
  
* *  
  
Rodimus: yeah I'm real sorry Optimus about earlier today and all . . .If  
you want me to help with anything just tell me.  
  
Optimus: It's all right Rodimus your dismissed.  
  
Rodimus: Are you sure? Cause I can help with paper work and other stuff--  
  
Optimus: I SAID GET THE HELL OUT!  
  
* * *  
  
Jazz finished typing it and saved it to the email. Then Forwarded it  
to Springer, then to Optimus, Rodimus, and Magnus.  
  
"Here goes nothing," Jazz said sending it to all them all.  
  
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Brent: okay that was . . . all right I guess. Well read and review if you  
want to.  
  
Hotshot: your not demanding?  
  
Brent: no demanding things only make people think you're a dictator.  
  
Hotshot: riiight. . . 


	5. Unkown Email

Autor notes: I hope this works.because if it does, I'm going to be seriously mad because it won't let me post for Human For A Week. And I have the freaking chapter already written for at least . ~counts on figures~  
  
Hotshot: ~sighs and holds temple~ Since Halloween day, you idiot. And maybe you have a virius? You should get it checked out you know.  
  
Me: yeah that's easier to say I guess.*sighs* I'll have to do that sooner or later two about the getting it checked out. Hopefully it will let me post after this one.  
  
Hotshot: should I just say the intro?  
  
Me: yep  
  
Hotshot: fine, well Brent does not own transformers or any of  
the characters.  
  
***  
  
Unknown email  
  
Springer's attention was brought to his computer, which had  
beeped in a high-pitched way, meaning he had "mail."  
  
"What's this?" Springer sat back down in his chair, and  
moved his mouse to get the screensaver off. There he clicked an  
envelope and his mail went up, full screen. It was from Jazz,  
and the E-mail read:  
  
The Add On Chain Letter Humor  
  
Spring!  
Hey, I just had to send this to you, since you're a comedian your self, and besides that-who can't deny they like to make complete asses of themselves? Besides Preceptor that is. I would highly discourage sending this to him, but I could be wrong, 'cause Optimus did start this little "chain letter" himself.  
  
Springer had to stop himself at that sentence. Optimus Prime, the leader of the Autobots that wore a mask to hide his feelings, now expressing his humor through an Add on Chain Letter of Humor. If Optimus wasn't the one who started it, Springer would of put that on the Chain Letter himself. Springer shook his head giving a chuckle, then began to read the rest.  
  
There are all the attachments of the recent ones who added on. Trust me, you will be laughing your exhaust pipe off by the time you hit the line: Starscream: "I AM GAY." The rules are as follow; make up any line or scene that a Transformer of your pick (Decipticon, Autobot, What ever) and to make the following readers after you and before you laugh their butts off.  
  
Jazz  
  
Springer then began to read the attachments to the E-mail. And as predicted, he was laughing very hard by the line of Starscream mentioned in Jazz's letter.  
  
"Woo." Springer said, his laughter still half there, but has gained his composer to write. "With me being the next writer, heh, It'll be the best." With that said, Springer began to type up all the thoughts that came to mind.  
  
Springer's Entry  
  
(G1) Optimus Prime: *on his bumper, there is a bumper sticker that clearly says- as quote: "SHIT HAPPENS." *  
  
***  
  
(Armada)  
  
All Autobots and Starscream (who is there for that short period) are watching human T.V.  
  
Starscream: Boy, I sure wish that Rick Perry wasn't married.  
  
All Autobots: *give Starscream very strange look *  
  
Starscream: I'm not saying I'm gay, I'm just saying there comes a point in every mans life where he questions his own sexuality *takes a swig of his engeron like nothing happened * ((this part was inspired by "Opera Man" from Saturday Night Live))  
  
Hotshot: O...Kay.  
  
Optimus: Just don't talk to us for a few weeks, Starscream. We'll get over the shock.  
  
***  
  
(G1)  
  
Spike: Optimus ... is love real?  
  
Optimus: *looks strait down at him, right in the eye and responds *No. But Herpes is so watch your ass.  
  
***  
  
(Armada)  
  
Redalert: That's Mr. Nanny to you *crosses his arms * ((DMK's Siggy, well old one anyway))  
  
***  
  
((Beast Wars))  
  
Megatron: Waspinator? Is your speech problem because you are a wasp, yesss?  
  
Waspinator: Noz. Wazpinator juzt run into bugz zapper one toz many timez.  
  
***  
  
(G1)  
  
Wheeljack: *driving down a street, and notices a house that has a mail box in front of it that says "male" * now Wheel jack thought for a few seconds, then with a blunt expression type of speech, he said* now that isn't right, that "m" is suppose to be capitalized! ((You know.because he's an inventor and real smart and all))  
  
***  
  
(G1)  
  
Ultra Magnus: Hurry up and die! I want play this millennium!  
  
Optimus: *censor * you...*playing Mario Brothers on Nintendo *  
  
Springer grinned as he looked over his work.  
  
"Well, maybe a few good laughs will come out of this one," Springer grinned to himself. But wait. Before he sent this message to Blaster, he noticed an E-mail that he didn't recognize before. That's odd, Springer thought to himself, I don't remember that email. What Springer couldn't remember was that the email he didn't recognize was really sent to him on accident. To make a long story short, Thundercracker had somehow gotten hold of Springer's email and had forward something to him, which had Starscream's E-mail with it. Springer shrugged it off though, and just sent it to Starscream unknowingly and also Blaster. Then got up, walked out, because his desk work was finished.  
  
But somewhere else ...  
  
Starscream was at his finest hour. He finally, after eons of waiting, had Megatron down on the ground defenseless. Starscream raised his gun for the finishing blow, when a loud beeping nose started, and wouldn't stop. Starscream's first thoughts where "WHOS KEEP A BEEPER IN THE DECIPTICON BASE?!" Then there was sudden pain to his neck, as he was trusted out of his recharge mode as he fell backwards and out of his chair. He growled and got back up, putting his chair in the up right position and sat down, to read what ever he was sent.  
  
"Perfect," He said with disgust. "Taken out of a victory dream all to be made fun of. Though seeing the Autobots being mocked is rather entertaining ... perhaps I'll send this to Thundercracker, better yet Megatron." He added the last part when he saw all the parts making fun of Megatron in crude ways. Starscream ended up sending it to both, snickering, hoping they don't trace it back to him. Then can't help but wonder how an Autobot got his E-mail in the first place, considering that it did say it was Started by Optimus Prime.  
  
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Brent: maybe this will work  
  
Hotshot: maybe *eats cupcake *  
  
Brent: don't you get enough of those?  
  
Hotshot: nope, not the least.  
  
R&R please?? 


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